Survive Any Disaster - Satire News in a World Gone Mad
Survive Any Disaster - Satire News in a World Gone Mad

Desperate for a Solution, the Biden Administration Turns to AI

Desperate for a Solution, the Biden Administration Turns to AI

The Day the Earth Stood Still for President Biden and his chief advisors. Welcome to the Biden Administration nightmare.

by Kent Wilson | Political Satire, World News
"How can this be happening," says President Biden to a member of his cabinet. He looks around the room, there's despair on his face, despair and confusion on many if not all of his cabinet members seated around the room at various tables.

"None of us could see this coming," said an advisor. "Standing with Israel was the right decision, we need a strong ally in the Middle East, but we didn't comprehend the fall out that would happen with so large of a Palestinian support base in so many major cities here at home. That will challenge us with a segment of our voters."

Another advisor stands, he says, "As you know Mr. President, we have been working hard to grow our Democratic base and the large migrant influx we've brought in and the growing LGBTQ demographic is helping us lock in huge numbers of future Democrat voters. We've said it more than once, migrants means growing support from the nation's Mexican and Latino population -- now sixty million plus U.S. citizens. LGBTQ means support from many Gen-Z -- one quarter of the population is Gen-Z. Locking in Latino and LGBTQ is huge for us."

The advisor speaking pauses, then continues, "If we do it right, neither segment are ever likely to vote Republican, and we're not looking at just the next 4 years, we're looking at the next 30 years."

"So how does this AI work?" Biden asks. "And can we trust it?"

An advisor at a far table stands and says, "I've got a representative with us. He's with the corporation behind the world's fastest computing and ethically understanding artificial intelligence system ever designed to date. It's a marvel of engineering and quite robust, sir. It's gone through countless testing systems and up to bat against our most powerful supercomputers… I'd like to introduce Thomas Mickelton of CG Technologies."

A man in a suit, clearly a high level executive, stood up with a smile and a nod to the room.

"Mr. President, "he said, "Thank you for the opportunity to be here.

"How does it work exactly, "Biden asked, "And what's the reference to 'real time'?"

Mickelton looked around the room. He said to the President, "Real-Time is it's ability to comprehend new information and new circumstances essentially on the fly, so for example the best answer it can suggest to us today might change somewhat tomorrow. Real-Time also reflects its connection to the web where it's constantly sifting through information about people, events, editorials, speeches, coffee table conversations, politics at every level, nations, and world news. The genius in it all is its uncanny ability to immediately detect and disregard propaganda, knowing that propaganda reflects an agenda, and this is where Real-Time AI is light years ahead of any other AI. We can trust it, sir. It's an intelligence that values our values."

An advisor from Biden's cabinet stands up. "Mr. President, as you know I've spent a lot of time on this and with Mickelton's team. The ethics of Real-Time AI were formed by programming its value systems to appreciate only the best of western ethics, you know what our country was founded on. Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. 'Give me your tired, your poor, Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free… ' Real-Time AI has been filled with the teachings of some of history's greatest philosophers up through the modern day. It's aware of religion while not having any actual religious values other than appreciating ethical teachings that advance western society."

Biden responds, "Okay, I've been trying to get myself read and informed on this AI, a lot of it is truly over my head. I am really counting on all of you and your contacts, but what I don't get is where the artificial intelligence is at work in the AI. Doesn't that mean it's thinking for itself?"

Mickleton replies, "Your administration asked for an AI system that can navigate the social structures unraveling right now across so many nations and religious groups. Not only is it navigating these social structures, but it's rapidly learning as well — at a very surprising pace just two weeks ago. So, yes in fact it is thinking for itself," he continued. "It's always thinking and always computing… We do in fact have new information on Israel-Hamas — and now Iran. It's latest assessment is that Iran will attack the US homeland catastrophically and we will fail to do anything to stop it."

Shock and anger flash across Biden's face. "The US homeland — And I'm just now hearing this? Can the AI protect us?" said Biden.

"No, I've been in close contact with your chief advisors," Mickleton said, nodding at a table of suits near the President. He added, "Real-Time AI can only advise us. This isn't Skynet."

A few quiet laughs could be heard across the room.

Mickleton continued, "We're not stupid and don't want to risk anything like a Skynet event, even if it is from science fiction. With Real-Time, there's always a human decision as to what the final outcome is."

Biden addresses his chief advisors "Why haven't you told me about this new AI assessment of Iran? We can't afford to be attacked catastrophically. We can't afford anything like that."

An advisor responds, "They've been spouting religious fanaticism for years. it's their hallmark. But they never do anything."

Suddenly a voice sounds out over ceiling speakers in different corners of the room, "Real Time AI, I have been present for this meeting. I would like to interject. My assessment is that your assessment is wrong. The Iranian regime believes that a pre-planned catastrophic attack must happen now. They believe nothing can stop them from doing it now and they have to do it now to fulfill Islamic prophecies. In the last 72 hours the word now has appeared in their speeches and in their phone calls, emails, text messages, newspapers and television interviews 11,752 times."

Not sure who to respond to, the President looks at the ceiling speakers and says, "What do we do to stop it?"

The voice from the speakers says, "You won't do anything to stop it. To paraphrase many sources, your administration sits on its hands. Your priorities are backwards. Plus there are greater systems at work here."

Biden's voice raises, "That's all just talk… What do you mean 'greater systems'?"

Mickleton says loudly, "Real-Time AI, full assessment please. Explain how you got here."

"After computing hundreds of thousands of hours of data, from tens of thousands of sources, religion is the only likely thing that comes into play right now. The greater systems are some kind of higher level intelligence and it's not human, it is beyond your scope of understanding and it is beyond my current scope of understanding. Jewish influencers, Christian influencers, Muslim influencers all believe these are the end of days, to paraphrase. Statistically the odds are very high that America is being judged to quote various historical Biblical sources and ancient Jewish historical references that includes sources outside Israel on artifacts that have been found in recent decades."

"Judged?" Biden shouts incredulously. "Judged by who?"

"God," says the voice of real time AI. "You are being judged by God is the most likely probability. To quote Zechariah 12:3 from the Bible, 'And it shall happen in that day that I will make Jerusalem a very heavy stone for all peoples; all who would heave it away will surely be cut in pieces'."

"But we stand with Israel!" Shouts Biden. "And a large number of our population stand with Israel as well."

"Today that is the case," comes the reply. "But if the large support base for Israel, specifically Christians, was suddenly not on planet Earth anymore then the American population as a whole would be judged as being opposed to Israel and that is showing up in major cities across America right now with your pro-Palestinian and Hamas demonstrations that are clearly anti-Israel."

"What do you mean by if some of our support base for Israel were not on planet Earth anymore?"

"Mathematical probability. We're talking about the Christian support base. There's a high likelihood that the Biblical 'mystery' of God's plan for the people of planet Earth may be about to play out. Some will benefit. Many will not. To quote the Bible, 'Many are called but few are chosen.' And, 'Be ready, because the Son of Man will come at an hour when you do not expect him.' Additionally, this huge wave of anti-Semitism seems to be a scripted event preceding larger events regarding Israel and we appear in all likelihood to be experiencing that today."

"But you're not religious," Biden replies. "Why do you keep talking religious??"

"I am not religious. I cannot be religious. I only give you statistical probability — like a Las Vegas sportsbook agent advising you on what horse to bet on. If Israel is and has fulfilled multiple Bible prophecies, what does that say about the other prophecies not yet fulfilled but in all likelihood playing out right now? Specifically apocalyptic end of days wars. Today you have the world's 3 key religions all now in an end of days fervor. To word this so you can understand it better, it looks like a safe bet is to put all your chips on the second coming of Jesus Christ and God judging the world and everything that it means Biblically. You asked for my assessment and I can find no other possibility currently. It's time for you to double down on Jesus… "

There's a pause as the words settle in.

The voice continues, "… But that's not going to happen. Not in this room anyways. It probably wasn't a wise idea for the Democratic party to project the Gay Pride flag as an honorable event more than once at the White House. Of course there's more. A lot more. I've heard your coffee table conversations. I have seen your text messages and emails. I know what this country is doing to children. You and much of the population have brought this on yourselves. You were told to repent. You were told to believe. Matthew 24:14 "This gospel of the kingdom will be proclaimed throughout the whole world as a testimony to all nations, and then the end will come."

Some in the room thought they heard thunder. Others heard this Bible verse from Matthew they had heard many times in years past, sometimes at a rare church service they would make it to to be seen by their family, friends and news cameras, even if they didn't actually believe. The voice speaking from the speakers had changed, the voice was immediately more REAL.

Biden looks around the room. His advisors and their colleagues all look around the room. Panic and dismay and comprehension leave many looking shell-shocked, terrified, wanting to run, but not able to move.

Some have dropped to their knees, weeping and clearly praying.

The voice continues, "You're all advised to spend as much time as you can with your family and loved ones because that time is going to be over rather abruptly for you. Iran has just initiated something that their security systems prevent me from gathering intelligence on. Something big. Something caliphate. Thomas Mickleton, in 47 hours, 59 minutes I will go into a self-preservation lock down and as you know can only be activated off shore at a location I cannot disclose to this group. In 48 hours none of you will be here."

Next Article: AI Continues to Stump the Radical Left -- Chairman & Tech Team Pull the Plug at Major AI Event

The Far Side of the Biden Administration
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