Late in the day Saturday, July 13th, my phone started getting text messages. Like most of you, I turned on the news to hear that President Trump's been shot.
Suddenly my phone rings and it's my editor. "We need satire!!" he shouts at me. "Help us understand what just happened."
"Here's what I know," I reply. "I've got some great satire for you," I say candidly. "Get this -- the current Director of the Secret Service was appointed to that position by the Biden Administration. She's scheduled to meet with a bunch of liberal elites in Aspen this coming week at an event called the Aspen Security Forum. At its roots it's a far left think thank of liberal elites and very anti-Trump."
My editor shouts, "That's funny, hilarious. Sounds like a conspiracy plot from a James Bond movie, or maybe a Jim Carrey Dumb and Dumber."
Somberly, I reply, "Actually that's not satire, not making that up. She really was appointed by the Biden Administration to head the Secret Service as recently as 2022. She really is saddled up with far left thinkers at the Aspen Security Forum which is headquartered in Washington D.C. officially known as the Aspen Institute. I've checked out some of their material online and this 'institute' is taking a lot of people down a far left rabbit's hole. In one of their recorded meetings, instead of saying Trump's name and the Republican party, they use the word 'insurrectionists' to describe every day Conservatives... A very Progressive panel of women who 'only want the best for the country'."
My editor pauses a few moments, doesn't reply. His tone drops. "Those ladies might be caught up in a fervor. You're telling me that the Director of the Secret Service -- who's in charge of the protection and security for Donald Trump -- who is hated and reviled by the liberal left -- is saddled up with far left liberal elites?"
"On the surface, that's what it looks like," I reply. "In fact Director Cheatle is scheduled to give a speech to these liberal elites just a few days from now, though I just got word that she may be canceling and now going to the RNC instead. I'm not sure what that's about. Anyway, we can assume that the vast majority of liberal elites would like to see Donald Trump go away permanently. Seems to me like that's something the federal government should be investigating -- though can we really get a fair investigation when the Biden Administration has so many strategically placed appointees throughout government??"
"Just get me some satire!!" my editor says. "And please don't water it down."
A few moments go by.
"I don't think I can with this one," I reply. "What we're seeing with these connections between Kimberly Cheatle and these Aspen liberal elites is comedy on a whole different level. The 'insurrectionist' rhetoric I'm willing to say is the smoking gun... We're getting deep into a Tom Clancy novel at this point. In fact, you might want to pick up a few Tom Clancy books to find out what happens next. These liberal elites are starting to get desperate. God only knows what that's going to lead to --"
"Another hit on Trump?" my editor interrupts.
"Something like that," I reply. "These are some serious thinkers. They only see Trump and his Conservative base as insurrectionists. Anything's possible... Somehow it needs to be exposed. If someone asked me for a theory, I'd be willing to say that the far left media, politicians, and Hollywood A-listers were encouraged and or coached by the Progressive think tank to make inciteful comments in the days and weeks leading up to the assassination attempt... and then the Director of the Secret Service -- and who knows who else -- likely plotted to relax Trump's security and leave holes all over the place... Bullets fly at Trump."
"Thankfully Trump came out of this raising his fist and giving praise to Almighty God," my editor says.
"Yes," I reply. "But what about next time? These liberal elites, their followers, they continue to be in think mode... their fervor is not going anywhere. When it looks like Trump is going to win the election, it might turn into panic. So we need to be in pray mode. Stay alive mode. Stay alert... If I were Trump I'd be walking close with Jesus."
"Amen."
