Seated on his bed with his back against the concrete wall, El Chapo relaxes in his small heavily fortified cell in America's highest security federal prison located at ADX Florence, Colorado.
It's just another day in this prison s***hole, El Chapo muses that late morning. He looks up at the small slits for windows at the outside daylight. "Esto Apesta," he says aloud.
This sucks.
He hears keys outside his prison cell suddenly, followed by a loud buzzing noise indicating the door had just been unlocked by a remote armored guard room at the end of the corridor.
His door swings open. Standing there are three guards and the warden, who he'd only met once, that first time he had arrived at the prison so many months ago.
"Mr. Chapo," says the warden. "President Biden would like to talk to you. He has some kind of offer. He's on his way out and somehow you might be getting a pardon."
"President Biden?" El Chapo says. "Let me guess," he adds, glancing over at a newspaper sitting at the small desk in his 7 x 12 foot cell. "Donald Trump?"
"Yup," the warden replies. "Sounds like you know this game."
El Chapo grunts. He says. "I know this game ... What's he offering?"
"Let me put it this way," the warden says. "President Biden wants you to vote Kamala Harris. He has a Trump problem. If you take care of his Trump problem, he'll make you Border Czar under Kamala Harris when she has the Presidency."
El Chapo's eyes light up, but suddenly he looks disheartened.
"What's the problem?" asks the warden. "This should be an easy 'si senor' moment for you."
"It's not that," replies El Chapo. "Border Czar Kamala Harris has set such a high bar. Mucho high. Her policies have moved more people and more fentanyl across your borders than anyone. Sex trafficking is now a billion dollar industry. I could never live up to those numbers. She busses them in, she flies them in -- she rolls out the red carpet."
The warden stares at El Chapo for a few moments. He says then, "How about... Junior Border Czar?"
"Junior Border Czar," El Chapo repeats to himself. "Si, yes ... I can live with that... I don't have to worry about letting anyone down."
El Chapo gets angry suddenly. "They lock us up for trafficking but they won't lock her up?"
The warden replies, "Not when it's all about the vote. You see, El Chapo -- the Democrats own the government. They want to give her a trophy... Next time, start giving smugglers Democrat voter registration cards and you'll get a free pass all day long."
"Is that why she wants to give migrants sex changes and make them trans?" El Chapo asks.
"Like I said," replies the warden. "With the Democrats, it's all about the vote... no transgender is ever gonna vote Republican. That's why they're pushing it in schools. That's why they want to take kids away from parents that try to interfere."
The warden pauses, then says, "She's not thinking about the next four years -- she's thinking about the next thirty years."
El Chapo recalls a speech he read in a newspaper several months earlier, before the Presidential race.
We're not thinking about the next four years ... we're thinking about the next thirty years.
Kamala's words exactly.
"Junior Border Czar," El Chapo says aloud a moment later. "When do I start?"
"Yesterday," the warden replies. "We need you to get started... yesterday."
