Survive Any Disaster - Satire News in a World Gone Mad
Survive Any Disaster - Satire News in a World Gone Mad

Trump's Pick for Vice President-- Dr. Phil.  Franklin Graham Also Appointed

Trump's Pick for Vice President-- Dr. Phil. Franklin Graham Also Appointed
by Kent Wilson | Political Satire, U.S. News

"… Franklin Graham will be 'America's Chaplain'. His duty will be to cast out demons. The Radical Left has become demonic. IT WILL ALL BE TELEVISED."

DONALD: "Hello, Americans. We love our nation and our very special, very special supporters. As part of this campaign for President, I'm compelled to give speeches to hardworking parents across our nation, with so many experiencing trauma at what's happening in public schools and universities... Taking the Presidency back from Evil Joe Biden means we've got a serious mess to clean up. The Radical Left Progressives have given birth to a rapidly spreading social pathogen that is destroying families and changing the very fabric of public schools and what our children are being indoctrinated with. It's throughout our colleges and universities -- schools that are helping teach what are supposed to be our future leaders.

These public institutions are full of Progressive Radicals. This needs to end. So, today, I'm announcing my choice for Vice President, Dr. Phil McGraw.

This country, because of the last four years of Joe Biden, seriously needs a doctor. Democrats and their supporters across our nation, are sick.

I've also chosen Franklin Graham and will be appointing him to a special duty. Franklin Graham will be 'America's Chaplain'. His duty will be to cast out demons -- literally.


Everything about the Radical Left has become demonic.

When our children are having 'their eyes opened' and then having their private parts chopped off and given puberty blockers and sex change pills -- that is evil. This is not progress. If this is the Radical Left's idea of progress, something is seriously wrong with the Radical Left.

This is horrific.

Anyone remember the Friday the 13th movie series? How about Freddie Kruger and Nightmare on Elm Street?

Can you imagine if this was you? Think back to when you were a kid 30 years ago or more. What would have happened to you if you had grown up under this kind of coercion and leadership? You could be living a completely different life today -- that is if you hadn't committed suicide after having deep regrets over chopping off your private parts.

It's wrong. Completely wrong. It's evil. Completely evil.

On day one of taking office, here are the new laws I'll pass to clean up this mess. We're going to rescue America's children from this social pathogen called the Radical Left.

The first law I'll pass is this: Anyone in a position of authority over children with Radical Left doctrine will be banned from having any contact with children. 40 years ago most counties and states would have considered these people to be sex offenders, yet here we are in 2024 and they've been given a free pass -- a free pass by people just like them that have wormed their way into our schools and government.

These people are on a warpath to convert our children to think and act just like them. This is what Progressives are preaching:

'Let's give these kids puberty blockers. Let's cut off their private parts. Let's tell them that if they simply waive a rainbow flag all their problems will disappear and they'll be happy and not alone anymore.'

This is madness.

It's time for us to cut the head off the snake.

Progressives hate Conservatives. Progressives hate family values. They want to bring complete upheaval to family values and our nation's social order.

A lot of people working in government are just looking the other way. Not a care in the world. Cold. Callous.

So I choose Dr. Phil to be my Vice President. He's going to help treat this sickness of gender dysphoria which is really just a form of mental illness. Really. It's mental illness. Dr. Phil has accepted and we both agree that Franklin Graham would make a great choice for 'America's Chaplain'. We're excited to create this new office.

The demons in the Democratic party need to be extinguished, cast out, sent back to Hell where they came from."

Trump pauses for a few moments, adjusts an ear piece. An assistant walks over and hands him a cell phone. Trump walks away briefly and says a few words into the phone, looks back over to his assistants, and then back to the crowd. He returns to the podium.

TRUMP: "Good news... We just got confirmation that Joe Biden will finally meet me for a debate. I told Evil Joe just now that when I am President I am going to protect our nation's children and stop the chopping off of private parts, stop the flow of transvestite pills, and ban doctors from this practice immediately. You know what Evil Joe just told me?

He said, "Oh yeah? If I'm President, MORE kids are going to get their private parts chopped off. MORE KIDS are going to get sex change transvestite pills. More kids are going to grow up to be Democrats and we are going to crush the Republican party at every election, because we're gonna have more voters. So go bite on that Donald Trump. Your party is gonna lose because we are going to outnumber you one day. I am creating an army of child transvestite voters... The rainbow flag will fly over every school, government office, church, corporation, and even professional sports."

Trump looks at the crowd and shakes his head, points to something in the distance.

DONALD: "Americans, families, voters -- we can't allow that kind of madness. Please talk to your family, your friends, your colleagues and neighbors. Encourage them to get out and vote and make me your President. This needs to end now. No more children mutilated and demonized by the Radical Left. Let's burn them down once and for all."

Trump pauses, looks anxious for a moment, regains his composure.

DONALD: "That's a figure of speech of course. Seriously, that's a figure of speech. The last thing I need is over paranoid government agents coming after me for inciting another January 6. So, special agents in the crowd, please don't take that literally. If you do, you're a dumb ass. Really, you're a bunch of dumb asses. And we see you. Your amateur acting is a dead giveaway. Watching you guys is like watching a B-movie.

Figure it out... This is simply about getting the Radical Left out of office. We need to permanently vote them out of office. The future of our nation is depending on that. So, why don't you, men and women, for the first time ever in life, do something for Jesus. These are children we're talking about. What if it was your child?"

The Far Side of the Biden Administration
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